Pet superstore braced for record footfall.
Half-Term expected to lead to huge increase in visitors with takings staying exactly the same as term-time.
February half-term is slated to be an extra busy time for pet superstores across the UK, as parents who have no intention of buying anything aim to fill the days of the “Meh” half-term.
With children across the country already bored of the toys parents paid far too much for just 6-weeks ago, adults are looking for ways to entertain kids… without doing anything that costs money.
And for most of us, that means staring at some rabbits we won’t take home.
“Squeaky toys left me with PTSD.”
Barry Cribbage runs “Whay Aye, Pets” near Newcastle-Upon-The-River-Tyne. He says that the February half-term is one of the busiest times for people coming into his shop without actually paying for anything.
“Nobody has got any money to go to the theme parks and the family farms are all muddy and wet and miserable,” he says, speaking from his mouth which is nestled just below his nose.
“In other parts of the country, people obviously think it’s too cold to go out into parks. Not here, obviously, because we don’t wear coats and all those other stereotypes,” Barry says, before adding the word “like” by way of confirming his authenticity.
Standing with Barry is a young woman who has clearly got some hair upon her head, as well as a lanyard around her neck. She has the look of a 23-year-old sales assistant about her.
Gemma Puddlesuit, a 23-year-old sales assistant, says, “After the October half-term, I was signed off for a week with suspected PTSD as a result of the constant squeaking of dog toys.”
(Although this was later confirmed to be mild food poisoning as a result of eating a handful of mealworms for a dare on the TikTok.)
According to made-up statistics the February half-term isn’t expected to generate more than £3.67 in extra sales for pet superstores.
Free Parking and Guinea Pigs
Mynsa Shiraz is planning to visit her local pet superstore on Wednesday to break up the week a bit.
“February isn’t a real half-term, is it?” Says Mynsa, whose children will both be on half-term during the half-term break because of their school being on half-term.
“It’s not one where you want to commit to going to the good places. But there’s free parking so we’ll go on Wednesday to stare at the guinea pigs and go next door and look at the imported Cadbury’s chocolate in Home Bargains.”
A receipt is not just for Christmas
So with the knowledge he’ll be busy but not any richer, does Barry resent parents filling his stores but not his tills.
“I kind of like it, like,” he literally says.
“January is busy with everyone bringing their puppies back… but then it goes quiet again. So it’s nice.
And even if we sell a hamster to someone on a whim, it’s fine. It’s not a puppy, is it?”
